Yin and Yang

Lessons From the Garden #51:
“Yin and Yang”

A walk around the backyard brought me thoughts about the yin & yang of life… how you’ve got to take the “good” with the “bad.”
 The day was balmy – over 70 degrees on the last week of January! The warm sun was a treat, but at the same time, I find it scary that our weather should be so warm this time of year. The daffodils were budding and the blackberries were leafing out – which is totally unnatural for this climate. I recall reading how this has been the warmest year since they began recording temperatures. Beautiful day… or global warming? The yin and yang… YinYangSky


Further on, I came across the debris left by a pesky dog in our neighborhood. He likes to take things – like toys, flowerpots, trash bags, and garbage from our compost bucket. He chews on them, and leaves the trash around the yard. Last week his owner cleaned up 2 such piles of trash from our yard and 1 from his own. I’d imagine, however, that he loves this dog, gaining affection and companionship from him. Hassle… or beloved pet? Yin and yang.

At this Valentine’s season, we can also remember the give and take of relationships. Having a spouse to call sure is helpful when the car battery dies… but of course, it’s less convenient for the rescuer than for one who is rescued. On the balance sheet of relationships, how many football games equal one night out dancing? At some time, we are each the caregiver and one cared for. To get the goodies, we gotta give ‘em too. Yin and yang.

There was a great line in the movie “Oh, God” where God explains how he just “can’t make a front without a back, an up without a down, a good without a bad,” etc. As long as you judge one thing “good,” there’s gonna be its opposite, and the Dance of Duality goes on.

But beyond the place of just resigning ourselves to this duality, there exists the possibility of embracing everything, without the baggage of our value judgments. One of the best explanations was in the song “Beware What You Tell Yourself” by Summer Raven, written when she used to hang out with Ken Keyes and friends:

“When life didn’t please us, we made ourselves sad.
When we couldn’t control things, we made ourselves mad.
This kept up from loving what we already had.
What we want we call good, what we don’t we call bad.”

That last line is the crux of the matter. For instance, how you feel after this Superbowl Sunday depends entirely on which side of the stadium you’re on – whether you’re from Atlanta or from… well, wherever that other team was from.

I admit that I don’t succeed at staying out of judgment very consistently. I have pockets of clarity mixed with vast areas of stuck-ness, especially on the big things we like to label evil. For instance, the hurricane in Central America was pretty hard to feel OK about. Must innocent people die just to warn us of global climate changes… or to give us the opportunity to practice compassion? I really don’t know. But at the risk of sounding Airy Fairy about this issue, I will point out that we don’t know the really Big Picture… that’s God’s domain. I’ve got enough to deal with in my own backyard.

I do believe that the quality of my daily life is improved to the extent that I can stay out judging the little things good or bad. And that’s the level where I have great power to change my experience of reality. Do I lose it when I see trash on the lawn? Do I kick someone out of my heart for a few precious minutes of my life, just because he left dishes in the sink again? Do I create anger whenever the traffic light turns red?

Every situation presents me with an opportunity for choice in how I will respond to it.  No, I might not be able to choose the situation… and I believe that many situations are God picking a curriculum for my spiritual studies. I can, however, always control the way that I will respond to what comes into my life.

We can go on chasing the good and resisting the bad, or we can seek to take dominion over our minds and embrace everything. When the yin and yang combine, they form a perfect circle of wholeness, of Oneness.

©1999 Lois J. Henrickson (Lytingale)

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Precept #2: Anger

The second Reiki Precept or Affirmation is:

Just for today, I will not get angry.

Anger is something that I have thought about a lot.  My first inclination was to change the wording of this precept to reflect a Truth about anger:

Just for today, I will not CREATE anger.

Anger is not something that you “get” like the flu.  You don’t catch it; you create it by deciding that you don’t like or want something that has come into your life.  Byron Katie would say that you are at war with “what is.”  In religious terms, you are saying that God got it wrong and you are not pleased with the current divine plan.

Anger feels like it just pops up on its own.  But the reality is that a thought has always preceded the anger.  It happens SO fast that you might not notice.  But if you slow down and look deeper, you can always find a thought that contains some way that you are judging the world to be wrong.  You have a belief, desire, or expectation that is not being met – a trigger thought – so you create anger about it.

AngryBuddhaGoing another level deeper, underneath the anger is always some kind of fear.  We feel threatened in some way, and that usually boils down to a form of survival – of our ego, of our place in the world, of our economic survival, of our loved ones.  If you identify the trigger thought, you can find a deeper fear in it, and that is what gives it the emotional content, that sense of being out of control and at the mercy of an unfriendly universe.  When we are in stressful situations, the triggers become hair triggers – ready to go off at the smallest provocation.

Some people use anger to scare others into doing what they want, or to scare them away.  It’s a tool, but not a very effective one.  I think the angriest people are often the most fearful in their core.  But the only thing that feels worse than being around an angry person is being an angry person.  Living inside a heart full of anger and a head full of fear is not fun.

So anger is an automatic emotional response that we use to defend and protect.  Freedom comes from learning to see its roots so we can unhook from these negative emotions, to turn off the autopilot and chart a course to a more fulfilled life.

However, that ain’t easy.  It takes a lot of practice, although it gets easier the more you do it.  And most of us still end up creating anger more often than we like.  The idea of never getting angry seems unattainable. So I went for yet another wording:

Just for today, I will not BE angry.

What I mean by that is that I will not stay in anger.  Although I will likely visit it from time to time, I don’t have to rent a room.  If I watch my mind at all, I can easily notice that I have slipped into anger, and then I can choose not to stay there.  I can identify it and then move on through, like a stop on the subway.  “Oh, there I go, creating anger again.  Well, let’s not get off at that stop.”

I can let go of anger, see it as something that comes and goes, instead of getting sucked in by its powerful emotional content.  Anger is not what I am, it is not where I live and breathe and have my being.  I can choose not to wallow in the seductive qualities of being right, perfectionism, or deserving “better.”   My happiness and peacefulness are not dependent on outside circumstances.  When I know that in the depths of my soul, I do not need anger.

Just for today, I will choose to live at a higher vibration.

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Precept #1: Worry

Recently I took the Reiki I Training with Jonna Rae Bartges, a Third Degree Reiki Master and a psychic, who teaches with joy and bad puns and calls herself The Happy Medium (she says “I see dead people so you don’t have to.”)  I appreciate her wit and I do believe that you should never fully trust a spiritual teacher who doesn’t laugh and smile.  I’m not the only one who thinks this way.  The visionary Jesuit priest & scientist Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said “Joy is the infallible sign of the presence of God.”  He is the philosopher who also said “We are not physical beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a physical experience.”  And let’s face it, this physical experience can be mighty funny… if we don’t take ourselves too seriously.

To get back on my original topic, one of the practices of Reiki is to use five precepts, or daily affirmations.  The first one is:

“Just for today, I will not worry.”

OK, so first it says that I should do this thing one day at a time.  Yeah, small daily steps are what will accomplish big goals.  But what is this thing called “worry”?  Here’s a dictionary definition (I added the bold):


  1. give way to anxiety or unease; allow one’s mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles.
    Synonyms: fret, be concerned, be anxious, agonize, overthink, brood, panic, lose sleep, get worked up, get stressed, get in a state, stew, torment oneself
  2. (of a dog or other carnivorous animal) tear at, gnaw on, or drag around with the teeth.  “I found my dog contentedly worrying a bone” 
a state of anxiety and uncertainty over actual or potential problems.
Synonyms: anxiety, perturbation, distress, concern, uneasiness, unease, disquiet, fretfulness, restlessness, nervousness, nerves, agitation, edginess, tension, stress; apprehension, fear, dread, trepidation, misgiving, angst

So worry is about allowing your mind to get stuck in an endless hamster wheel of negative thoughts about the future.  Whether that future is 5 minutes or 5 years away, it’s still the future if it’s not happening right now.  Our worries are about what I want to happen in the future, not about what I am experiencing right now.

Anxiety always exists in the gap between now and some future moment.  Anxiety is the mind filling in the gap, that uncomfortable blank space, with fearful imaginings.  We will always handle what is happening right now – yes, we will do whatever we can, the best we are able at that moment in time.  But we can’t really change the past – what’s done is done and the best we can do is clean up after the mess if needed.  And we can’t accurately predict the future. Do you really know what’s going to happen and how that will affect other things?  Uncomfortable in uncertainty, we make a guess.  Sadly, we tend to go for drama and make up a negative outcome, grab on to that fear-based creation, then gnaw on that idea like a hungry puppy.  Since this problem is in the future, it is only a potential problem, not an actual one.

We can choose, moment by moment, tick by tick, thought by thought, whether to live in the Blessed Now, or to allow the mind to indulge in our negative fantasies.  It really is a choice.  But I didn’t say it was easy!  It takes diligence and awareness to stay awake enough to notice the mind at play, so that you can stop buying tickets to the fantasy land that the anxious mind is creating.  That’s why they call it spiritual practice – it really does take practice! 

It takes using our will to not worry, to dwell instead in a deep faith that all is in divine order.  Einstein was once quoted as saying:

“The most important question you can ever ask is if the world is a friendly place.”

Worry is a belief that my world is not going to be OK.  In a way, I’m saying to Spirit (or God, or Allah, or Buddha, Baba, Universal Mind, Goddess, Christ Consciousness, Ki, Higher Power, The Light, or The Great Cosmic Muffin – use whatever name you are comfortable with – Spirit doesn’t mind), “Spirit, I don’t trust that you’ve got this right.  My life is not in divine order and I have to fix everything.”  (Stamp foot, say “It’s not fair!” with teenage angst.)

When I choose to not engage in worry, I am letting go of the burden of being responsible for things I cannot control.

Read that sentence again.  Have you been trying to control the uncontrollable?  Like your spouse, your kids, your boss, your health, your inlaws, co-workers, the Economy, Congress, getting older, the way an audience responds to you, what somebody thinks of you.  Are you ready to let go of that heaviness?  Can you give up your job as Director of the Universe?

Now this does not mean that you don’t take action.  Lack of worry does not mean lack of action.  You still engage in the world; you do the things that you feel are important and that are yours to do.  The difference is whether you do them with anxiety and fear, or whether you do them with faith in the inherent goodness of humanity and with trust in your deity of choice.  hamster-wheel

It is said that worry is like a hamster wheel – you go round and round but you never get anywhere.  Worry doesn’t fix anything!   In fact, it usually makes it harder to get things done.  And it definitely changes the quality of living, the emotional content of daily life. 

We can always find something to worry about.  Current politics is certainly easy to worry about.  So is my health.  And my finances.  And the well being of my children.  And the things that need fixing in my home.  And how my car is running.  And… and… and…  There is no end to things that cry out for my energy.  (BTW, having things to handle is part of the rent we pay for being alive on this planet.  So stop resisting these signs that you are still alive!)  These all have the potential to be objects of my worry.  But the essential question is whether I will use my energy from a place of fear (which is where worry is born) or from a place of love (in trust and feeling connection). 

When I worry, I lower my energy vibration and I cut off my connection to Spirit, the Universal Mind, the Life Force.  Impediments to the flow of this life force within me create sickness in body and spirit.

So just for today, this moment, this tiny tick of time, I use my will to stay out of fear, to choose to not worry, and to dwell in love and perfect trust.

“Just for today, I will not worry.”

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The Amusement Park

Have fun!  Detach from your definitions of what you “should” be and how life “should” unfold, and how other people “should” act, and how they “should” treat you.  Once you detach from your expectations of others, your perfectionism, your deadly seriousness, you can truly have some fun.

amusement-park-ridesThink of Life as an Amusement Park.  It’s an adventure!

  • The exciting rides are scary.
  • This ride turns you in circles.
  • The kiddie rides are sweet and simple and short.
  • You’ll get wet on the log flume, but you’ll laugh a lot.
  • That show makes you laugh – and another makes you cry.
  • Music makes it better, and so do bright colors.
  • There’s tasty stuff to eat and something interesting around every corner.
  • Sometimes you just have to wait.
  • Everything costs a lot, but the price of admission is worth it.
  • It’s more fun with a friend or a family.
  • Play hard, jump on all the rides you can, laugh, keep moving your weary feet.  Whee!
  • And at the end of the experience, you will be tired and ready to go home.

You seeRollerCoaster, it’s NOT all about you.  You are just a spectator, watching the show and playing your part.  There’s really nothing to get bent about.  There’s no grand prize at the end for doing it “right.”  You can do everything “right” and still have your house burn down, or get a nasty disease, or watch your child die of cancer.  That’s just part of your own uniquely individual journey.

MirrordistortedYou see, it IS all about you.  You are the one who chooses HOW you will take the journey – screaming and whining, or embracing and laughing.  It’s all in how you see it.  How are you perceiving your life?  Does your perspective create distortions like a Fun House mirror?  Can you live lightly? Can you find a way to smile about the marvelously entertaining people you meet every day?  Can you live being true to yourself, instead of worrying about the Rules?

Now, don’t get me wrong.  You can choose to cling to your cherished opinions as much as you want.  You don’t really have to give up your demands and expectations.  You will still have them, probably till your dying day.  They will keep popping up, like a Whack-A-Mole game.  But you don’t have to pay attention to them!  You don’t have to give them any influence over your mood or your actions!  Just detach a bit, and you can watch your mind as it tries to lead you down a rocky path. “Ah, there I go again, thinking my partner should do it my way.  How silly of me!  How futile!  I wonder if I’ll ever give up on that idea.”  And suddenly, you’re at Disney World, watching the show, a carefree spectator, instead of stuck in the muck of identifying with your opinions and ideas (half of which were installed in the back corners of your mind by your misguided parents.)  You are so much more than your thoughts.

This all becomes easier once you truly believe that dying is safe… and therefore, so is living.

The true essence of you is eternal.  You are energy, taking human form to play around in this Amusement Park called Planet Earth — to taste the incredible variety and richness of the human experience, to find the Joy in the Dance, and to Learn to Love ever more fully and unconditionally.

Shakespeare’s Puck sat in his laughing tree, saying “what fools these mortals be.”  C’mon, admit it.  We are one crazy species, doing all manner of foolish things.  We are wondrously made indeed, but really, have you looked at yourself naked in a full-length mirror?

One of Chad’s favorite quotes was:  “If you learn to laugh at yourself, you’ll never run out of material.”  

As soon as you can find the humor, that Christmas dinner with the in-laws becomes entertainment instead of torture.  When you have nothing to prove, you are free to be who you really are.  When you have detached from being right or worrying about your image, you can breath easy and just enjoy the show.

The Show goes by quickly and it doesn’t last very long, but it is endlessly entertaining when you wake up to watch.


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It doesn’t matteIMG_5376r WHO you pray to. The name of the force – God, Allah, Spirit, Yahweh, The Great Cosmic Muffin – is not important. It just matters that you acknowledge something outside of yourself.

It doesn’t matter WHAT WORDS you say, which psalm or verse, or which language you use. There are no perfect words. It’s about finding some words from your heart.

It doesn’t matter whether you think of it as a “prayer” – or just a conversation with the universe, a chat with a friend. You don’t have to bow your head or clasp your hands just so or kneel or bend or raise your arms to heaven. You can sit or stand or walk or lay down. You can swim or run or dance or sing or be very, very still.

It doesn’t matter where you are. You can be at home, in a church, in a forest, on a beach, in a hot tub with a glass of wine. Spirit is everywhere, so wherever you are is fine.

It doesn’t have a dress code. There are no required tools, props, or costumes. Oh, there’s nothing wrong with them if they help you get in the mood of the show, but don’t mistake the props for the real thing.

It doesn’t need a specific location, time, or day of the week. The opportunity is open to you 24/7, come as you are, no admission fee.

You just have to stop, notice the grace, and feel it. “Oh, yes, now I see the grace that is there.”

Feel that sense of fullness and connection to something greater. And when you notice it and feel it, you can’t help but have gratitude.

Becau2014-01-07 10.00.02se you have a life.
You have a ticket to the Greatest Show on Earth.
You are a piece of the puzzle, a player in the band, a marcher in the parade.

The more you notice the amazing things happening around you, the more you will smile.

Perhaps you think the universe is saying No to you. You just haven’t yet seen the Yes. It’s all Yes when you zoom out far enough, when you have a wide enough and long enough perspective. But it’s not always easy to see the big Yes when you’re standing in this little spot.

When a friend offers you a gift, the worst insult would be for you to not unwrap it, to ignore it. Yet we ignore the gifts of the universe all the time.  I imagine a petulant child, standing at the foot of a Christmas tree surrounded by hundreds of gifts. She is holding a list and she is saying, “But you forgot #72, #33, and #126. And #37 is the wrong color. And #59 is the wrong size.”  Like that child, we go through our lives thinking Spirit got it wrong again.

If you are focused on your List Of What’s Missing, you will miss seeing what IS there for you in your unique and amazing existence.

You have a life. Wow!IMG_4504
You have a courtside seat for the Big Game.

You have a horse in this race, a seat on the bus, your name in the program.

You are right here and right now, able to witness the Power and the Glory.

Your life is like no other.  Isn’t that wonderful?!

Thanks be to God, Allah, Yahweh, Shiva, Buddha, Baba, Yemaya, The Force, Tao, Ancestors, Guardian Angels, Spirit, and the Great Cosmic Muffin!

Let us pray.
Let us PLAY.

And as a wise man often said, “Enjoy the Grace!”

~ Lytingale  (Nov 20,2015)

(PS: Photographs taken by me.  Amazing views provided by Spirit.)

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One of the blessings of being sick is the renewal of my empathy for others who struggle with their health.

I think of the persistence and courage of those who have a chronic illness. Day in and day out, they deal with pain and difficulty, often with no hope of improvement. They do what needs to be done just to maintain whatever level of wellness they can attain. And mostly they do this with little complaint, so we don’t even notice their struggle.

I think of people who are facing a life-threatening illness. With no certainty of success, they undergo painful, costly treatments, embroiled in the medical system. And yet they put one foot in front of the other and go through the process, choosing life, finding moments of joy in a dark landscape.

I think of what it would be like to be sick while being homeless. I am blessed with a warm house, a comfortable bed, a convenient private bathroom, a pantry full of food, and family and friends to look after me. Not everyone is nearly so fortunate. Can you even imagine having pneumonia while living in a cardboard box or staying at a shelter?

And what if you lived in a refugee camp? Or a village without access to clean water? If there were even a doctor to tell you to “drink lots of fluids,” could you walk a mile to get water?

Whether far away or just next door, all around us are people who are struggling with great difficulties. When I jump into judgments of others, I have forgotten to have empathy for their hidden challenges. How do I know what they have come through? How do I know what they are dealing with today? And yet, I so easily forget.

And so I bless my own struggles because they remind me of the struggles of others and they exercise my empathy muscles.IMG_2352

“One of the things about compassion is that the difficult things that happen in our own lives teach us the most about what other people go through. So I value all the really lousy times in my life. It has been the lowest times in my life that have helped me the most to understand other people.” -Pema Chodron

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Immunity and Emotions

For the past 2 1/2 years (some of the most emotionally stressful of my life), I have been ridiculously healthy. No colds, no flu, no illness. I take my daily Protandim pill, and if I feel a tickle at the back of my throat or I am exposed to somebody sick, I take an extra one. Sometimes I remember to take some vitamins, and I eat fairly healthy.

But last week I came down with something that hit hard, and I was diagnosed with pneumonia. Fever up to 102.7, intense deep cough that triggers leaking and sometimes the gag/vomit reflex, and then painful ribs that hurt everytime I cough. I am grateful for Urgent Care Centers and for antibiotics, and I am rapidly climbing back out of the abyss. Recent achievements are: walking to my mailbox, making garlic mashed potatoes, and taking showers. Today is my 9th day sick, and I am working up to going to the grocery store.

Sickness is a strange sort of vacation in which you are removed from most of your normal obligations and routines. Personally, I recommend taking regular vacations instead, but if being sick is what it takes to slow you down, so be it. If you often say or feel “I’m sick of this,” chances are you soon will be sick. If you don’t have any other way to escape, your body will find one. You can go to the la-la land of fever dreams. You can even check out entirely.

Some folks say that every illness is a psychosomatic illness at root – caused by the mind. This is not to say that the illness is not real. Oh, it’s real, but ultimately, it is caused by the way you have been thinking about your life. Your negative thoughts can depress your immune system.

That’s what just happened to me. I thought I was doing fine, in spite of a lot happening in a short time (2 concert performances, son’s wedding, and selling him a house, giving a major workshop – all within 2 weeks). I had been perking along just fine in spite of all those changes, but then another stress entered and I spent a week feeling angry and disappointed over somebody’s behavior. Next came a conversation about it that shook me deeply (it literally turned my stomach), followed a few minutes later by a symbol from the universe that rocked me to my core. Five days later I had my first fever in 2 1/2 years. Coincidence? I think not. The wall of protection called my immune system had been breached by too many assaults of emotional stress.

When I see people with a very serous illness, I wonder what traumatic event happened to them about one year before. I know what happened to Chad in Dec 2012, and in Dec 2013 he was in the hospital dying of cancer. I know of other examples, but I don’t feel at liberty to share. If you don’t find a way to deal with the trauma event, you put yourself at risk. Take the easy vacation… or you may end up with the hard one.

In this week of massacre in Paris, I think that many of us are feeling traumatized. Understand that you need to give yourself extra care, extra time, and use extra boosts to keep your immune system strong. Whenever you experience a Trauma Event, listen to your body, because it is listening to your subconscious mind. The body has its own kind of intelligence and it can interpret your messages very literally. If you say you don’t want to go on, the body will find a way to make your wish come true. (The statistics on widows who die within a couple years of their spouse are frightening.)

Whenever you are faced with a Trauma Event, take the time to allow and then process the feelings that come up. And treat yourself with extra tender care. Your health and your happiness deserve it.

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